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Apr 21
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In the 80s and 90s, there was an emergence of kid-friendly martial arts movies and video games that made every kid want to be a ninja. Karate Kid, Big Trouble in Little China, Showdown in Little Tokyo, Mortal Kombat, Street Fighter, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, 3 Ninjas, you name it. Here is another one based on a video game, turned into a super cheesy action/adventure romp about two brothers in a gang-ridden "New Angeles" trying to stop a typical over-the-top mogul from taking over the city.

image Our two leads are Scott Wolf (Billy) and Mark Dacascos (Jimmy), orphan teens living in the dystopian post-earthquake island formerly known as Los Angeles in the year 2007. Similar concept to Escape from LA which was set in 2013, isn't it? So Billy & Jimmy are tasked to protect a magical amulet and keep it out of the hands of the generic villain, because that's an easy enough plot for anyone to follow.

image Robert Patrick (Koga) is our smug, bleach-blond villain. He can turn into a somewhat fluid shadow form and imitate others. I bet he's never played a role like that before, am I right?

Alyssa Milano (Marian) is here also, playing a punky gang leader working to keep the streets safe from the various lunatics and henchmen under the employ of our douchebag villain. Suffice to say, both of our lead protagonists like to gawk at her ass, because she's looking pretty fine in this movie. I'd like to watch the extended ending where the double dragons double team her, but that footage has yet to be recovered.

image Yeah, it's a total cheesefest, but as a kid, I'm sure I would have loved it. Hell, even as an adult, I found it's retro-futuristic LA ninja-punk vibes to be surprisingly fun either way. And to make this movie legit, it features Al Leong as... you guessed it... a fucking henchman!

I give it 1 out of 2 half-medallions.


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Box_a_Hair says:
#2, Reply to #1

Apr 21
Alyssa may be playing a teen in this movie, but she was 22 at the time, so it's perfectly fine thinking she is hot.


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Box_a_Hair says:
#18, Reply to #17

Apr 24
Yeah, and with as much as Vince drinks, he really ought to weigh a normal amount. Maybe he's short as fuck? Ain't no way he's raping anybody.


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Box_a_Hair says:
#23, Reply to #21

Apr 25
You'd definitely outdrink me. I'm done after zero drinks these days. I'm sure you could annihilate Timothee's asshole. He's a twink himself. He still has absolutely nothing to do with Double Dragon though.


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Box_a_Hair says:
#25, Reply to #24

Apr 25
I'm sure I played the game at least once. Good ol' beat 'em up arcade games...



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