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Apr 21
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In the 80s and 90s, there was an emergence of kid-friendly martial arts movies and video games that made every kid want to be a ninja. Karate Kid, Big Trouble in Little China, Showdown in Little Tokyo, Mortal Kombat, Street Fighter, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, 3 Ninjas, you name it. Here is another one based on a video game, turned into a super cheesy action/adventure romp about two brothers in a gang-ridden "New Angeles" trying to stop a typical over-the-top mogul from taking over the city.

image Our two leads are Scott Wolf (Billy) and Mark Dacascos (Jimmy), orphan teens living in the dystopian post-earthquake island formerly known as Los Angeles in the year 2007. Similar concept to Escape from LA which was set in 2013, isn't it? So Billy & Jimmy are tasked to protect a magical amulet and keep it out of the hands of the generic villain, because that's an easy enough plot for anyone to follow.

image Robert Patrick (Koga) is our smug, bleach-blond villain. He can turn into a somewhat fluid shadow form and imitate others. I bet he's never played a role like that before, am I right?

Alyssa Milano (Marian) is here also, playing a punky gang leader working to keep the streets safe from the various lunatics and henchmen under the employ of our douchebag villain. Suffice to say, both of our lead protagonists like to gawk at her ass, because she's looking pretty fine in this movie. I'd like to watch the extended ending where the double dragons double team her, but that footage has yet to be recovered.

image Yeah, it's a total cheesefest, but as a kid, I'm sure I would have loved it. Hell, even as an adult, I found it's retro-futuristic LA ninja-punk vibes to be surprisingly fun either way. And to make this movie legit, it features Al Leong as... you guessed it... a fucking henchman!

I give it 1 out of 2 half-medallions.


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#5, Reply to #1

Apr 22
Brotherhood of the Wolf rules and everyone that was born in the 70s worshipped Milano while growing up. Fapped it til in was sore back then along with Christina Applegate!


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#10, Reply to #9

Apr 23
That's cause you're half a fag and I'm the 1 who wants to fnck Timothee Chamalet into oblivion?!


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#13, Reply to #12

Apr 23
Dude, it's obvious you prefer the dishy Eastern European type and honestly I can't argue with you...nuff said!


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#16, Reply to #14

Apr 24
I can't lie, I like em on the petite side too but I've never weighed over 145 pounds in my life in my defense....but I also wanna wreck Timothee so perhaps there's logic in your theory there?!


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#21, Reply to #18

Apr 25 *
My 140 pound ass will out drink the lot of youse! I'm 5'9 and given the chance I'd manhandle a Timothee Chalemet!...such a cutie!


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#24, Reply to #23

Apr 25
I know I saw the movie back then but don't really remember it. I remember playing the coin-op video game as a teen more.


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#26, Reply to #25

Apr 25
Remember picking up the chain, pipe or 2x4 plank of wood and fn fnckers up...loads of fun for a quarter!


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#22, Reply to #18

Apr 25
Why youse believe anything I say at this point is beyond me! I'm actually 3fitty pounds 5'6!


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#19, Reply to #17

Apr 24
Fnck off... I'm small boned. Got a fast metabolism says the doctor. Never be fat and sloppy!...and me 7+ inch with sum girth looks huge on me small frame, want some?!


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#11, Reply to #9

Apr 23
Just give me the chance... I'd rip your cute Matt Damon looking ass in half! Make you feel like a 17 year old girl again!



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